Category: Box of Uncertainty

“Real allyship and gender partnership demands that men do their fair share of household chores, childcare, transportation for children’s activities, the emotional labor of planning and tracking activities, and supporting their partner’s career.”

Women Are Working More Than Ever, But They Still Take On Most Household Responsibilities Forbes

Sandberg, S. (2013). Lean in: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. New York: Alfred A. Knopf.

Surviving Economic Abuse

The Marriage Course

Ester Perel

This book was eye opening for me. This is why. I grew up in a male dominated household. My dear father taught his three daughters to study, be entrepreneurs, think for themselves, always put in your best effort and most importantly do everything you can for your community. He taught us this by example. 

He also taught us (by example), that our brother had more privileges than us (he also had more responsibilities), that my mother had to be home before he arrived from his job, that she had to take care of him, that he was in charge. And although he treated her with much love he also let her quit her career when they got married because now her “new career” was being a wife and eventually a mother. This made me grow up with a duality I did not understand. I must admit I had a “chip on my shoulder” with masculinity. I had these great male mentors that inspired and pushed me to be my best self, but only until marriage. I always thought this was because I came from Latin America, that we assume tends to be more male chauvinistic, or because I was brought up in another time. 

My father was my “go to” person to ask for any work advice, when I had my first review, or when I decided to leave my stable job to start a Design boutique and than I got married. I was debating whether to take a full time job or try to “make it” as an artist and called him for advice and he said – “Maybe your new job is being a wife”. This was the last time I asked for advice, also the day I realized his view of me had changed. I went from being and individual with dreams to being a wife, apparently the worst position you could have, since it seemed it was the moment you lost your identity and your individuality. 

Today I have realised that it was not the “time” or where I came from that makes this be this way. It is how the world runs. And apparently I have it better than most women. After speaking to women from different cultures and different parts of the world I see this now. I am “lucky”. I went to Japan around 20 years ago on a trip with my husband, he had to go for work and we had won a free ticket so I went with him. One night while he was having dinner with the men of the company, the CEO sent the only two women that worked in the company to keep me company. They were the receptionist and the CFO, we went out several nights and since they wanted to practice their Spanish we became friendly quickly. I was curious about their culture and asked many questions, as they did to me. They were in their mid 30s, both married and both had decided to not have kids. They said that in Japan once you have kids it is not proper to work. They would be outcasted by their family and friends. I always thought that again these were specific cultures, more traditional cultures, all the world could not be like this. Life has taught me the contrary.

This book, Invisible Women (Criado Perez, 2019) shows us how not only societies are biased but the data that was collected to create laws is completely biased towards male behavior and male bodies. Making everyday things a disadvantage for women. And even scarier, the data collected today continues to be so. “Smartphones are ostensibly designed to be used with just one hand. but whose hand?” (Criado Perez, 2019) As Criado Perez explains in the book, this is the same with pianos, she asks why there are more renowned pianists in the world, maybe because the piano keyboard was designed for the average male hand. This repeats itself in many everyday objects. Women are also left out of medical trials. “According to a 2017 EU study, women’s bodies are seen as too complex and costly with hormones that make them inconvenient subjects”, (Criado Perez, 2019) this affects women’s health. The book states that medicine tested on these trials are often too strong for a female body and often causes additional side effects that may harm them. In politics women are also underrepresented. “Currently, only 13 countries have a female head of state and 15 have a woman head of government, according to UN Women, a U.N. agency. Women hold only 21% of ministerial positions across the world.” (Nikkei Asia, n.d.). Politicians make policies, less women are politicians, so will men have the initiative to change the policies that collect data, when they have never done so in the past? As Carolina Criado says in Invisible Women: ” we are conditioned to view the male gender as the default and ignore or erase female experience” (Criado Perez, 2019). Now, what are we going to do about it?

Criado Perez, C. (2019). Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men. S.L.: Vintage.‌

Nikkei Asia. (n.d.). Jacinda Ardern did ‘have it all’ as New Zealand’s prime minister. [online] Available at: https://asia.nikkei.com/Opinion/Jacinda-Ardern-did-have-it-all-as-New-Zealand-s-prime-minister [Accessed 1 Feb. 2023].‌